


Hamthrax

by Geoduck



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8467591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geoduck/pseuds/Geoduck
Summary: Pigs? Viruses? Nerima, you are doomed, DOOMED!





	

Ranma, his father, and Soun Tendo were watching the television news.

" _As worries about the ferocity of swine flu fade, a second disease, far more fatal but less widespread has appeared. Dubbed "Swine Flu 2" by physicians, this disease results in death in over fifty percent of infections."_

"Quite the dangerous disease, eh Tendo?"

"Indeed, Saotome."

" _Fortunately, scientists have determined that the illness is not communicable between humans: humans can only be infected by a diseased pig."_

"That's a relief, Saotome."

"I'll say, Tendo."

" _Oddly, this strain has appeared in multiple geographically distinct locations. Kentucky in the United States of America, Southern France, Samoa, Paraguay, Hokkaido, and Joketsuzoku, the village of Amazon women in China."_

The three men looked at each other.

"It couldn't..." "Coincidence, I'm sure..." "It would be ridiculous to assume..."

" _Even more oddly, forensic testing of the victims is leading scientists to believe that one and only one pig was responsible for all infections to date."_

"No way." "Can't be." "Out of the question."

" _One rather fanciful theory that has been proposed is that the disease carrier or 'Pig X' as he is being called, can take human form, and has an uncanny ability to cross long distances, even over oceans, in days, or in some cases, hours."_

"Do you think?" "It's crazy, but..." "I hate to believe it, but..."

" _Other evidence suggests that Pig X wears a yellow spotted bandanna and has been known to faint at the sight of naked female flesh."_

The three looked at each other in stunned silence.

Akane walked into the room. "Hey Ranma? P-Chan just made it back home, and I think he's sick." She held the piglet directly in front of the paralyzed martial artist. "He's been sniffling and his nose is running, and I think he's got a fever."

As if to punctuate her remarks, P-Chan sneezed directly into Ranma's face.

Roaring with rage, Ranma grabbed the pig and yelled at it. "You bastard! You've murdered us all!"

**Author's Note:**

> Written and published at ff.net in 2009. H1N1 was very much in the news at the time.


End file.
